The Return
by syrup78
Summary: The return of Paul Stadler meant bad things for Jo, that was granted. Would the ripple of her past life cause a hurricane in her present life?
1. Chapter 1

**0A/N: This fanfic is rated M for a reason. It is very dark and carries a trigger warning for DV. Please read with caution.**

It is dark. The only way I know I'm not in a total void is because Paul left the hall light on. Oh, if he knew how much pleasure seeing that tiny strip of light under the door gave me, he would never leave it on again. But I learned quickly to act like things are much worse than they are, so that he doesn't strain himself to come up with worse punishments.

The light keeps me from getting dizzy because it's a solid point to focus on. And I usually get dizzy after a slam or two into the wall. Probably a minor concussion. I want to throw up but he would find that disgusting and would probably take the hose to me and lock me out after spraying me with ice cold water.

Again, I act like that's the worst thing imaginable, even though it isn't. I have kind of cheated the system that way. I deserve to be punished, and yet, I've found a way to not be punished to the fullest extent of my errors. A chill runs down my spine as I think about that hose…

"Wilson?" I am brought back to present day with a shake of my shoulder, by Dr. Shepherd. "You're shaking."

"Huh?" I ask. "What? No, no! I'm not, it's just… cold in here. God, it's Seattle you think they'd chill with the AC."

Dr. Shepherd raised an eyebrow at me. "I think this whole hospital knows I've had my fair share of personal drama… just make sure it stays out of your work. Kay? You're far too brilliant to let anything get in your way… a stupid boy for instance? Sorry, not my business."

"Right… a stupid boy," I repeat mindlessly.

"Anyways… you're gonna be late for rounds if you don't get going. Meredith will be here any minute and she had a rough morning trying to get Bailey to wear his seatbelt so you might not want to piss her off. Fair warning."

I smile. "Thanks, Dr. Shepherd. See you."

* * *

"Hey," Alex says, kissing me on the forehead. "Sorry I missed you this morning. You left pretty early. Did you have pre-rounds?"

"No, I…" I didn't know how to tell him I only got up so early to face the inevitable, that I was going to go a whole night without a wink of sleep. "I was just kind of restless."

"Everything okay?"

"Yes. I'm with Grey though, so…" I let the sentence hang before I turn on my heel and walk away from the one person here who would probably be able to tell something was up.

I had gotten good at burying it. It was almost like that person wasn't even me. Like I was in the corner of the room, watching some poor girl get beaten.

The bruises were a piece of cake to hide. He usually took care to hit me in places where it wouldn't show, but a touch of that stuff people use to cover tattoos and I looked like a brand new person. No, what was hard to hide was the eyes. I used eye drops almost every morning, though most people either believed I had really bad allergies or consistently hot boxed my car in the morning. Except for that time there were broken blood vessels in my eye. That of course was due to a sharp corner that I must have tripped into. Paul didn't like me to wear too much make up, but concealer was my best friend in those days. It was almost like my eyelids _weren't_ baggy and droopy, giving me the appearance of a weathered old lady. But there wasn't anything I could do about the harrowing look I got when people asked me personal questions.

How's your boyfriend? Are you planning on getting married? Marriage is harder than they tell you, you know. Now that you're married, are you planning on kids? Does Paul want kids? Do you?

As if I could ever bring a child into this world, knowing what I know.

We almost did, though, once. Paul had found out about the birth control pills I was secretly taking. That wasn't a fun night. Of course, with the pain came pleasure. He always tried to play it off that way. I'm sorry, he was always so damn sorry. He just wanted the joy of having a little Paul or Brooke junior running around. Surely the world needed another monster, or another monster punisher.

I had gotten an abortion as soon as I found out, and had used my next period to fake a miscarriage. That was the only way I knew I could save the future child from a rotting world of despair. It only worked because Paul is so utterly disgusted by all of that. Julie, she was to be named. I don't even know if it was a she, but Paul swore it would be a girl.

I thought Paul would be good to me after the "miscarriage" because we had the loss in common. I was, of course, mistaken. I still have scars on my inner thighs and on my hips from him lashing my pelvis, as if he could punish that part of me for not being good enough. Little did he know, all he did was make sure that I definitely couldn't have any more kids. Again, I had to act like this was the most devastating thing that could have happened.

"Amelia said you seemed off and begged me to go easy on you today, but jeez, Wilson, are you even on this planet?" Meredith said as meet her outside of our patients room. She must have asked me something.

"Dr. Grey, I'm so sorry, I just…" Got a letter from my ex, saying he was in town and would like to meet? Got a letter that was vaguely threatening, but no so much so that anyone would believe me if I told them? Got a letter that almost certainly meant doom, damage and destruction for my near future? None of the above seemed applicable.

"It's fine, just, put it aside and make your patient come first, right? Let's go."

That's the thing about Meredith Grey. A few years ago if I had been the tiniest bit distracted she would have reamed me out and forgotten about it the next day. Now, I swear a saw a flash of sympathy, maybe even empathy, cross her face before she was back to business as usual. I suspected that had little to actually do with me.

Rounds sucked but allowed me the mental space to forget about the letter for a little while. Rattling off fact after fact wasn't fun but memorization was something I was good at so there wasn't a patient of Dr. Grey's whose latest test results I couldn't tell you.

My colleagues swore my good memory was a blessing but to remember so much, good and bad… it was exhausting.

* * *

The day flew by in that weird, zoned out kind of way. I decided to spill the beans tonight to Alex when we got home. I was halfway to the attendings lounge on the fourth floor when he texted me and said he wasn't leaving for a few hours, as he had an emergency peds splenectomy and didn't trust the on-call guy as far as he could throw him.

I did my best to get to the car with a neutral face and attitude. I was human, wasn't I? They'd have to just chalk it up to a bad day.

"Wilson, you're parked in the attendings lot?" came Dr. Shepherd's voice over the top of her car.

I started. "Uh, no, well, I came in early in a cab because my car is in the shop but Alex is staying late so I'm taking his car-"

"Relax, I'm just joking. Goodnight."

"Wait, Dr. Shepherd, I…"

She looked at me, waiting for me to finish.

"I appreciate what you said to Dr. Grey on my behalf, but moving forward I would like to keep my personal life out of work. If that's alright with you."

She looked stunned. "Of course, Wilson. Sorry."

"No, don't apologize, I just…" but it was no use. She was already closing her door and I had only said it loud enough for myself to hear anyway.

That's what they don't tell you about abuse. While Paul was pulling all the right strings, it was me who was isolating myself. And the need to keep others away, self be damned, at the thought of imminent danger doesn't easily fade.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, this carries a trigger warning so proceed with caution.**

Every movement was an earthquake. Every shadow was a black hole. Every corner was a curtain, about to reveal the next big horror that was my life.

I had gone so far as to ask Dr. Bailey for special permission to work my schedule around Alex. I used the car as an excuse.

"I won't pretend to know what's going on with you," she had said, but of course it was a lie. They all wanted to know. They all certainly had their guesses.

Finally, I settled for the least damaging, most plausible rumor. Clinical anxiety. They sent me to Dr. Wyatt and put me on Prozac, like I don't already know it's a placebo.

To them, I was making gains every time I got through a day without asking where Alex was and if I came into work early without him? Incredible.

To them, I was reduced to a set of symptoms that were to improve. It's not their fault. They're all doctors.

Improve I did, but the excuse started wearing thin. They ask questions, to be polite, but they don't actually care about the answers.

Dr. Grey: How's everything? Where before she wouldn't pretend to care.

Steph: How are you holding up? Where before she'd ask about my cases.

Alex: When's your next refill? Where before he'd ask about the bills, and laugh, cracking some joke about 'adulting'.

Lie and deny, that's the mantra of buriers. Everything's great, I'm holding up perfectly fine, and I just picked up a refill yesterday! What could possibly be wrong?

So much.

* * *

When my worst fears finally came to fruition, it was the first night I decided it was maybe safe enough to walk to the car alone. My own car had been sitting uselessly in the driveway for six weeks now and enough was enough. Just like I said to myself that day I finally left, fear of Paul couldn't rule my life.

That sentiment didn't keep my heart from stopping at the sight of his gorgeous eyes, perfect nose and charming smile as he shook Meredith's hand.

I felt betrayed, but she didn't know what she was doing. It was his fault, I reminded myself.

Maybe it was mine, too.

"Wilson, you studied under Dr. Stadler? No wonder you're so good at diagnostics…"

I smiled fakely at Meredith's praise but I was frozen in place in my nightmare.

Of course, I had known he was coming. Stupid little me didn't bother to tell anyone of his existence, not even Alex. Who would believe me now?

Some part of me, deep down, probably liked playing the victim. That's what he always said to me. Up until now I hadn't feared it to be true.

"Jo!" he said, oh so cunningly. "I've missed you!" He went in for a hug but I stiffened. It didn't escape Meredith's notice and I knew I would be paying for that later.

Tears welled in my eyes as I desperately wished to be anywhere else but here. I wish I could have forged a passport and gone to Italy. He was too pretentious to let his career suffer, even to track me down again.

"I hope my postcard didn't get lost in the mail. I always knew you liked the Space Needle so I couldn't resist sending it," he smirked.

"I got it," I choked, because ignoring him was at least worth a kick in the back or two.

"Dr. Stadler will be assisting tomorrow in the diaphragmatic repair we're doing. Wilson, why don't you come in early for coffee and we can go over everything one last time?"

I smiled weakly. "Of course, Dr. Grey."

"Oh, on me. I'd love to join you," Paul added.

"Yeah, you could, of course, the chief isn't here anymore and she needs to be around for you to get all your privileges first, so we can start without you. We wouldn't want to waste any time," I said.

"Right…" he glanced at me. "Anyways, Br… uh, Jo, it was nice to see you again. See you later."

I excused myself from Dr. Grey and headed to the tunnels, where I knew the only person who might bother me would be an idiot intern who'd be easily convinced to go screw.

I texted Alex, telling him I traded on call shifts with Steph and that I'd be here for the night.

* * *

I never did make it to that coffee.

No sir, Paul and I talked again way sooner than that. I think he followed me to the tunnels but I can't be sure. All I know is, I would have killed for an idiot intern to bother me once he had found me.

"Jeez, Brooke, what, do you live down here? Well, actually, it does kind of make sense. It's the closest thing to a sewer."

I had drifted off for a few minutes, head in my hands. But at his voice I was wide awake.

I reached for my phone but he was much too quick. "I wouldn't do that." He grinned as he pinned me down, both of my hands under his left forearm, as he straddled my abdomen.

"Do you even know what you did to me? To my reputation? I was heart broken, Brooke. I thought you left me."

"I did," I muttered weakly.

"Ah ah ah. That's where you're wrong. You ran away, like a little child, because that's who you are. A baby. You've deluded yourself so much you actually think you're a functional person worthy of space in this world!"

Tears were running down my cheeks endlessly. I had forgotten how easily he wore me down before he really got into it.

"Isn't it funny, how you damn near ruined my career, and now I'm in the position to do the same to you?" At that he ground his elbow into my right hand, crushing it between his weight and the concrete below. "But I'm the bigger and better person. I'm not going to do that."

I wasn't relieved.

"Instead, I'm going to do the whole world a favor. Even you will thank me!"

He had been wagging his finger in my face this whole time, but now he was reaching behind him, into his pocket. He pulled out a box cutter.

"Poor little Brooke, just couldn't take the hallucinations and delusions anymore. Let alone the pressure of becoming a marginally mediocre surgeon. Say, is your specialty trauma? It's about to be."

I screamed as he put the blade to my wrist, starting on the left. He grimaced as he pushed down, drawing the first blood.

The pain was blinding. I gasped as I felt the warmth of my own blood dripping out of me. My skin puckered open and I started to bleed freely.

"Hmm?" he said quizzically, still putting on the show. "You probably won't bleed out quite fast enough from just the one. They'll just have to believe that you managed to use your left hand as well!" I felt the blade once more, on my right wrist this time. He made another cut, longer and deeper than the first. "Oops. Looks like your hand slipped. You are a righty after all."

My screams echoed down the hall but I could only hear his chuckle as he pried my fingers open and put the box cutter in my left hand. Oblivion couldn't come quick enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm going to switch perspectives for a bit on this, which will be denoted by the name in italics. TW. This chapter is more of a means to the next one which will focus a lot more on the relationships between characters and less on the events.**

 _Amelia_

For the past six weeks, I'd been trying to keep an eye out for Wilson.

It probably wasn't my business. In fact, it _definitely_ wasn't my business. But I felt a sense of comradery. It wasn't too long ago that my personal life was up for question in front of everyone I stood to prove something to.

I wasn't buying the anxiety thing. Those of us who have been through it, we all probably have some form of anxiety. I'm not saying she didn't get worse anxiety symptoms but I don't think they came around for no reason. Something was going on. And while I didn't trust my own sleuthing skills to get to the bottom of it, I figured that the sufferers like us should stick together somehow.

That's part of the reason why I was so close to Mer now. People who have been through tragedy… they just get you in a way that other people don't. It's what pulled me to Owen. It's what kept me distant from my sisters at home.

It didn't seem like Jo had anyone else in that way. Yes, Karev, but he was a guy and every girl needs a girl. Yes, Steph, but rumor had it that Steph was seeking out a transfer in Boston after Catherine Avery had given her some words of praise. So who did that leave? I couldn't bear the thought of another one of us slipping through the cracks.

I had vocalized that to Mer, but she wasn't exactly partial to Wilson so she chalked it up to my usual craziness. She knew what I was talking about though. She understood. Mer after a few shots of tequila liked to talk about the deep-deep.

That's why when I was paged to trauma room 2 by an intern who I think I had met two times, I almost wanted to scream "I told you so," to Meredith.

"Hang a bag of O-neg and saline. Page ortho and psych," Kepner was yelling. "Shepherd, can you do a consult? She was found on the ground but we don't know if she fell first."

I felt my breath catch in my throat when I realized it was Jo that was laying on the table.

"Uh… yes. Pupils are… reactive, but unequal. It could be nothing but we should bring her up for a CT once…" I caught April's eye.

"Once her wrist lacs are closed. Somebody page Jackson Avery!" Kepner yelled. To me, she mumbled "That's the last thing she needs, is these lacs scarring over. I don't think these interns even know a mattress stitch from a whip stitch."

"Do we know… what happened?"

"Amelia…" April shook her head. "They found the box cutter in her hand."

I shrugged uncomfortably. "Then what'd you page ortho for?"

"Her hand. It looks like crush injuries. We aren't gonna get the whole story until she wakes up, but…"

I moved around the bed to Jo's right and gently examined her hand without rotating her forearm. There were contusions on both sides and superficial cuts.

I sighed. There were a million people around doing a bunch of different things but April and I seemed to be the only ones affected by the magnitude of this. "You really think she did this to herself?"

"Like I said, we aren't going to find out what actually happened until she's awake to tell-"

"I know," I interrupted. "But why would she give herself a crush injury?"

"I said I don't know!" April yelled, as Jackson walked in.

"Oh, man, is that Wilson? What happened?"

"We don't know-" April and I said over each other.

"Look, Shepherd, I really appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I am literally holding the skin on her arm together right now while she bleeds out. Neuro's clear? Then stay out of the way or _get out_."

I nodded and backed into a corner, watching in horror as the many doctors in the room rallied to put Jo back together again.

"I'm going to use 2-0 prolene and a vertical mattress stitch," Jackson declared.

"Jackson, no, she'll scar. That's why I paged you."

"April, these lacs are huge and if she doesn't want to lose her arms to necrosis they need to be closed as securely as possible!"

At that I thought April would cry. "Jackson…"

"What about glue?" I input.

Jackson paused. "That would probably help with the scarring, but I'd have to put sutures in some of the tissue below or it won't hold together at all."

April nodded. "You start suturing. I'm gonna go check on that ortho consult and get Karev…"

"I'll do it," I said, maybe a little too eagerly, as I stepped into the middle of the room again. "I'll go."

"Alright. Shut the blinds on your way out. She's had enough of the scuttlebutt recently," Avery called after me.

I knew for a fact that I wasn't going to be finding Karev.

 _Jo_

I was in the ER when I woke up. I glanced down at my wrists. They were stitched and bandaged, thank God. That's when I noticed the restraints.

Dr. Shepherd was sitting at the end of my bed. In my _room_. This wasn't the ER after all.

"Jo…" she whispered, looking haunted.

"Dr. Shepherd, I… I swear I didn't do this-"

"Its okay, it's okay! No one knows you're here. Not even Alex. I didn't tell anyone. Well, Kepner and Avery stitched you up but-"

"You're not listening to me, I wasn't the one who did this. It was… it was Paul!"

"Jo, what's going on? You can tell me. I mean, I know we aren't close but is something wrong? I won't tell anyone."

I began to cry out of frustration, which just made Dr. Shepherd look even more uncomfortable and the pity in her eyes was unmistakable.

I took a deep breath. "Please. Just listen to me. I know it's going to sound crazy but I'm going to tell you the truth."

"Okay."

"I didn't do this to myself. I mean, ask Steph, or Alex, or anyone! I'm not suicidal. I don't even have anxiety, well, not clinically anyways. It was a cover-up. For what's really been going on."

"And what's that?" Dr. Shepherd asked. I wasn't sure if she was believing me or humoring what she thought were my delusions, but I kept on.

"My husband. Ex. My ex. Paul Stradler. He sent me a postcard from the Space Needle to taunt me. Tell me that he was here. That's why I was acting so weird a while ago. I knew he was coming. I was worried sick. He…"

"Your ex is Paul Stradler? But he's here on Mer's case, why would he…"

"Listen!" I urged. Dr. Shepherd nodded for me to go on. "I was so scared of him that I didn't want to go home alone. I couldn't. But I couldn't tell anyone either. Because… well because he's dangerous. He's abusive. He… he abused me. You can pull up all my old hospital records under my old name and I can probably tell you what every injury is from. I swear that's the truth. There was one time he drugged me and kept me awake for three days straight before sending me into an exam when I was in med school. He wanted me to fail. He wanted me to need him... I… I did need him. For a while." I was crying freely at this point. "But I left him. Because even though I let him abuse me for so long, I had a shred of dignity left and so I changed my name. To Jo. And I started here, miles and miles away from that old life."

"Until he found you," Dr. Shepherd said, her voice breaking.

"Until he found me."

"Oh my God, I… They said they found you in the tunnels with your wrists slashed and a box cutter in your hand, I just assumed…"

"You believe me?" I cried.

"I believe you. But I'm not sure if psych will."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Welcome back. Thanks for reading and feel free to drop a review below. Constructive criticism is welcome and much appreciated! Sorry for the short chapter, I wanted to get it up before this weekend.**

 _Amelia_

Bastard. Paul Stadler was one son a bitch bastard.

Jo was biting the inside of her cheek, avoiding eye contact with me.

"We'll get you out of here. It's just a matter of answering for some things. Like why the box cutter was in your hand. But the crush injuries are definitely something that wouldn't add up if…" I stopped short. "Do you want me to get Karev?"

Jo finally made eye contact with me, but shook her head no. "Not yet." Tears welled in her eyes. "I need to make sure Paul will have enough time to get away. Because Alex will _kill_ him."

I sighed. "What if he comes back?"

Jo looked like this thought hadn't occurred to her. She bit her cheek to try and keep from crying in front of me but it was inevitable. "I can't… he…"

She couldn't finish her sentence so I grabbed her hand. It trembled in my own. I had unlocked her restraints a while ago, which was worth getting yelled at by the idiot psych fellow, but her evaluation with the crisis team wasn't going to be for another few hours.

 _Meredith_

It was barely dawn when my phone started ringing. Amelia. _Let it go the voicemail._

Except she rang again immediately after the first call.

"Do you know what time it is?" I ask.

"Have you spoken to Karev recently?"

"Alex? What? No! What is going on?" I was still hazy from being asleep mere seconds ago.

"Don't talk to him. Not yet. Okay? Can you trust me? Just come to the hospital. I need your help." Amelia did sound desperate, and she was usually way to arrogant to ask for my help, so I knew it was serious right away.

"Alright. Amelia? Is it bad?"

"It's pretty bad."

* * *

"Stadler? _That's_ Jo's abusive ex husband?" I declared, maybe a little too loudly for the hallways of the psych wing.

"Wait, you knew?"

"I knew she had an ex who abused her but I obviously didn't know it was him, or I wouldn't have invited him here!"

"I told you something was going on with her but you ignored me. And you knew!" Amelia began pacing in the hall, attracting attention to us. I grabbed her shoulder.

"Amelia, I didn't know this was going to happen. We wouldn't have been able to stop it." I sighed, peering into the window of Jo's room. She was talking to the crisis team. They didn't want any input from us until after.

"I don't know. If I had just pushed a little harder…" she trailed off, lost in thought.

Finally, after what seemed like far too long, we were welcomed back into the room.

"We've decided to release Dr. Wilson from psychiatric hold under the condition that her lacerations are appropriately treated elsewhere. That being said, a nurse will come by with some suggestions for support groups for victims of domestic violence and to discharge you. It could be a few hours, so you should try to rest," said Dr. Fales.

"A few hours? No. Get someone in here to discharge her now. You and I both know that she isn't going to get any kind of rest in this place," I spat.

"Dr. Grey, frankly, you're not a psychiatrist and this is-"

"I don't care what it is. She's been in this ward for far too long as it is. Go." With that I turned on my heel and faced Jo again.

When the three of us were alone again, I sat on the edge of Jo's bed. "I'm so glad you're alright."

She smiled weakly. "Me too."

"Can we take you home to Alex? He needs to know what happened," Amelia pointed out.

I noticed Jo's breath catch in her throat. "I can't… be around him right now. I want to…" she began to cry. "After DeLuca…"

We all were silent for a minute, thinking about the ramifications of what she'd just said. _Jo was afraid to be with Alex, because Alex was a man and had hurt other people before._

I was thankful when the nurse who was on discharges interrupted us.

 _Jo_

How could something this awful have happened to me?

I wasn't the best person in the world. That I could acknowledge. But I liked to think I had suffered enough in the past to make up for.

The horror of the whole situation just kept coming back to haunt me. The way he overpowered me instantly. The way he told me, _assured me_ that I wasn't worth anything. The way he chose to hurt me in a way that would not only absolve him from blame, but would make everyone around me believe the types of things he said about me.

I couldn't go home to Alex. I just couldn't. Every time I pictured him, I pictured DeLuca's face beaten to a pulp. The thought made me sick.

And the worst part is, I had forgiven Alex for that. I had moved on. But it was all brought back up by no fault of his own.

I was shutting down. I think everyone could see that. Meredith was driving us back to her house. I was in the back seat, laying on Amelia's lap as she continued to wipe tears from my face and keep my hair from sticking to it. It was past the point where I even cared that these were my bosses.

"Shh," she said soothingly every once in a while, rubbing circles into my shoulder with one hand. "It'll be okay."

We all knew it to be a lie.

The car pulled to a stop. "We're here." Meredith said quietly. No one made an effort to move.

I hiccuped, but my breath caught and I inhaled shallowly for a few seconds, fearing that I had forgotten how to breathe.

"Jo you're trembling. You should really take some of the sedative. We'll set you up in the spare room and you can sleep all day if you want while we tell Alex what happened." Amelia helped me sit up and gave me a sympathetic look.

"I already feel like I can't think straight. I don't want to be in more of a fog." I sighed. "What would you do?"

Her eyes flashed to Meredith quickly before returning to me. "I, uh… well, my situation is different. Because I'm an addict. So I always deny any type of drugs."

I nodded, feeling awful for bringing it up.

"Let's go in. Jo, you look like hell. You really do need some sleep."

They each grabbed one of my arms, like I wasn't strong enough to make it to the door myself. Truthfully it was possible.

How was I supposed to sleep, knowing he was still out there?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I have been sticking to these shorter chapters so that I can update faster, but if you'd prefer longer chapters, let me know in the reviews. Thanks! Trigger warning.**

 _Meredith_

I was confused as to the sound that had woken me up. At first, I thought it was one of the kids, but the sound was coming from the wrong side of the house. And it wasn't crying out the way the kids would, but it was muffled, like she was trying to suppress it.

I quietly padded down the hall to the spare room where Jo was. Outside her door, I could hear her crying, presumably into her pillow.

I knocked lightly. "Jo? Can I come in?"

The crying stopped. I took that as acknowledgement and opened the door.

Jo was laying on her side, facing away from me. I could see her shoulder moving up and down as she was trying to get control of her crying. She wasn't under any of the covers or anything, like she had haphazardly thrown herself onto the bed last night, not even bothering to get comfortable.

"Jo, what's wro-" I started to sit down on the end of the bed when I noticed that she had pulled her bandages off.

I caught her eye and she began to cry again. "What if I'm never a surgeon again? I mean _look at my arms_. What if they never heal right or if they get infected, and what if, oh God, what if he comes back and does something worse?" She covered her eyes with her hands. Even her ever present perfect manicure was suffering.

"Jo," I started. "We're going to file a report today and get a restraining order, and he won't be able to come near you ever again. Okay? And there's no question in my mind that you're going to become a _great_ surgeon."

"What if it doesn't matter? He doesn't care about what's right or wrong. A piece of paper isn't going to keep him away from me." Jo started hyperventilating. "He'll be back."

"Maybe. But this time, everyone knows who he is. And you aren't going to be alone with him. So he can't do anything to you. Alright?" I wasn't sure what else to tell her. I knew Alex would have known what to do for her, but that wasn't really an option right now.

It's not that I didn't understand. I did. But Alex cried when we told him. And he cried even more when we explained that Jo was… well, that Jo was afraid of him. Him ignoring her wishes about not seeing him would just make everything worse, maybe irreparable.

"Now let me rebandage your arms or they will get infected," I said, after grabbing the first aid kit from the bathroom. Her hands were weak in mine, and she was barely holding herself up. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so broken since Izzie was laying on the bathroom floor.

 _Alex_

Three beers in and someone finally bothered me. I was waiting for it to happen. You can't go to Joe's bar without seeing some annoying prick who has something to say to you.

This time it was one of the new interns.

"Dr. Karev, I just wanted to say that I was in your gallery today and…"

"Beat it, fresh meat. Can't you see I'm drinking here?"

Joe chuckled at that and hit me with another round.

"Haven't seen you pound these that quick in a while," he remarked.

"Yeah, well. Everything sucks. Open a beer. At least that's what my old man used to say."

An hour later I was decently drunk. Not sloppy, but definitely buzzing. My head was in my hand, and I was swirling around the last sip in my bottle. "Joe. Hit me with something stronger."

He poured me a shot and took my keys. Whatever. It wasn't like I had anyone to go home to.

Once I started to really feel the alcohol I decided to join a game of darts with the stupid interns. They all thought I was cool until I threw one a little too hard.

So, back to the bar I went. Fantasizing about all the ways I could kill Paul Stadler and get away with it, wishing I was a better guy, and regretting to hell that I ever laid a hand on poor DeLuca.

"Oh, come on, what are you doing here?" I heard Joe say to someone at the other end of the bar. "I really don't think you should do this."

"Oh, please. I've seen you serve minors in here. You can serve an alcoholic. Isn't it up to them if they want to ruin their lives?" came the voice of Amelia Shepherd.

 _Amelia_

Karev slid down the bar to sit next to me. "Aren't you like, not supposed to drink?"

"That's rich, coming from the walking brewery," I remarked. Joe looked at me hesitantly. "My guy. Vodka tonic."

He sighed and turned away from us, making my drink.

"Amelia, seriously, I'm going to call Mer. You shouldn't be here." Alex pulled out his phone.

I smacked his phone out of his hand and onto the bar. "One drink. You didn't see me until you came out of the bathroom."

He rolled his eyes but left his phone on the bar.

It was weird, sitting with him like this. He was just in Mer's kitchen this morning hearing what was probably some of the worst news of his life.

"What do you have to drink about anyway?" he asked after a few minutes.

I hadn't taken a sip yet. I was poking the lime with my straw but no alcohol had passed my lips.

What did I have to drink about, Karev? How about the fact that I did the one thing I said I wasn't going to do? How about the fact that I let this happen to your girlfriend?

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd, I wouldn't drive if I were you," came a voice from behind me in the parking lot.

"I know, I know, I'm just grabbing my wallet to close my tab," I explained, digging through the backseat of my car.

When I stood up I got a look at who owned the voice. I had expected it to be one of the new interns, or one of the bar staff who I didn't know as well, maybe.

Instead, I got a grin from ear to ear from none other than Paul Stadler.

"You know, it's interesting. Because I've heard the rumors about you being an alcoholic and an addict, but I didn't believe them. I like to judge a person's character for myself, you know? But after the shit you've been through… what with your dead father, and your dead fiancé, and your dead baby, and your dead brother-"

"Shut the hell up," I said through gritted teeth.

He put his hands up, mock-defensively. "I'm just saying. You'd be crazy _not_ to self-medicate."

I clenched my jaw and fists. He laughed.

"Cute. But I'm not going to hurt you. Not if you tell me where Brooke's been staying." He put his hand to his chin, pretending to ponder. "You see, I've been following that meathead in there since I left Brooke to die in the tunnels, but he never even knew what happened. That is, until he showed up at Meredith's house, anyway. Cute kids, those ones. They sure like playing in the yard. Right where someone could just… you know. See them?"

I stepped forward, about to tell him off but he put his finger in my face, so I retracted. "Ah, ah. That's not how this is going to work. I _really_ don't want to hurt you Dr. Shepherd. In fact, I am a fan or your work and it would kill me to have something happen to you that could jeopardize your surgery career! But I am going to need you to tell me where Brooke is staying or you, and those beautiful nieces and nephew of yours might have to suffer. I think it's a simple price to pay for the safety of you and your family."

"I don't know where she is. When she got discharged, we all assumed she went back to her and Karev's place, but-" I couldn't finish because he grabbed my jaw with his right hand and put his left around my throat.

"I don't like when people lie to me. Now tell me where she is so I can finish what I started."

I coughed as he let me go. "I don't know where she is," I repeated.

He landed a blow to my left temple. "Not the answer I'm looking for. Let's try again."

"I don't… know."

This time he kicked me in the stomach. I stumbled backwards and eventually fell to the ground. I desperately tried to reach into the backseat of my car, for my phone, or a weapon, or anything. I cried out as he slammed the door onto my hand.

"Oof, Dr. Shepherd… that wasn't your dominate hand was it?" he said, with another kick to my stomach. I coughed blood onto the pavement.

"One last chance?" But he didn't give it to me. He grabbed my hair and slammed my head into my car.

"Okay…" I breathed, seeing double. "Okay."

"Hey, fucker," I heard Alex's voice. Paul dropped my head not so gently onto the pavement.

"I'll be back for you two. I swear, I will finish this," he said, and I heard a car door slam shut. He sped out of the parking lot as Karev came to my side.

"I'm calling an ambulance, alright? Keep your arm elevated, it'll help with the swelling. I'll call Mer on the way, and…" But I could barely hear him as I passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey everyone thanks for reading thus far! Please please please review so I can know how I'm doing! Xx**

 _Alex_

Shepherd's ribs were broken, at least that much I was sure of.

We were in the ambulance, on the way to Grey-Sloan. I was about to dial Mer so she could meet us there but Amelia, barely conscious again, grabbed my phone. "Don't. She doesn't need to know I was drinking."

"Amelia, she needs to know what happened."

"After," she said stubbornly, barely keeping her eyes open. There was already a black eye forming on the left side of her face. Her abdomen was distended and she was going to need an ultrasound to check for internal bleeding.

The nails on her right hand were all black and blue, her fingers bent at unnatural angles and bleeding from various superficial cuts.

"Fine. I'll call her from the hospital," I agreed. "I won't tell her you were drinking but you know she's going to figure it out when you tell her we were at Joe's."

"But we weren't at Joe's," she protested.

I chuckled at that one. "Alright Amelia, then where were we?"

"In the hospital parking lot," she said. "Alex, please."

I caught her eye as she put her oxygen mask back on. "I'm not going to lie if she asks me, but I'm not going to bring it up." Her eyes softened, closing. "Just relax. Don't think about this right now. We'll be there soon."

 _Jo_

Mer was still on the end of my bed, just being with me, when her phone rang out loud. I jumped at the sudden sound.

"Sorry," she apologized before answering. "I'll be right there," she said. She pulled the phone off of her face to inform me that she had to go, but I could hear Alex's voice through the receiver.

"Who's going to stay with Jo?"

Meredith looked caught as she noticed my recognition.

"I can come with you, what's… what's going on?" I managed.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Amelia. She was attacked. By Paul."

* * *

At the hospital, Alex was standing outside of a room waiting for us to arrive.

"Jo," he whispered, taking my hands in his and gently rubbing his thumb on my inner wrist, exposing the bandages.

I tensed, gave him a curt smile, and tried to hold in my tears as we entered Dr. Shepherd's room.

She looked worse than what I imagined I had looked like after Paul had gotten to me. Her arm had pins in it and was suspended at a certain angle, but her face was the most haunting. Not only could I tell where Paul had hit her but I could make out every knuckle.

"Mother _fucker_ ," Meredith said softly. At that Dr. Shepherd stirred.

"Don't get too sappy on me. I'm fine. Just a little banged up."

"How did this happen?" I asked immediately.

"He found me in the parking lot. Wanted to know where you had been staying. He told me he had been following Alex." Dr. Shepherd looked away.

"Did you tell Alex that?" Meredith asked.

"Couldn't. On account of all the passing out. Hey, have they done a neuro consult on me yet? I think I'm fine, but…"

"Let me go ask Alex," Meredith said, leaving me in the room with Dr. Shepherd.

"Dr. Shepherd… I'm so sorry. I never knew he would…" I choked back a sob.

"Stop it Wilson. It isn't your fault. He has been tracking Alex closely, even to Mer's house. Don't tell her, but he threatened her kids if I didn't tell him where you were."

My eyes flooded. "So why didn't you?"

"I hate to admit it but… I was about to." She turned away from me but I saw a tear of her own slip. "He had gotten ahold of my hair and slammed my head into my car. I didn't think I could take much more, and I was about to tell him where you were when Alex came out and scared him off."

"Dr. Shepherd…"

"I'm sorry, Wilson."

At that, Mer came back into the room with Dr. Shepherd's chart. "Amelia, they ran a tox screen."

"What? _Why?_ Karev told them what happened I thought."

"Wait, I don't get it…" I said. "Why does it matter?"

"Because they found out your BAC is 0.12 Were you drinking?"

"Is neuro clear, or what? Do I need a CT?" Amelia dodged the question aggressively, but now that I heard the evidence it became apparent that her voice was slightly slurred.

Mer sighed. "Neuro is clear, ultrasound is clear. You have three fractured ribs and your hand will need some internal pins placed to keep the alignment but you should make a 100% recovery from that…" Her voice was tense.

I looked between them. "Look, Mer," Dr. Shepherd started, but didn't say anything else.

 _Amelia_

When Mer finally took Jo back to the house, I let myself feel the pain. I deserved to feel it. I shouldn't have been in the bar at all. If I hadn't been, this wouldn't have happened.

Well, to me. Who's to say he wouldn't have gone after Alex.

So strike that. I'm glad it happened to me.

I cried out slightly as a particularly painful throb pulsed through every fingertip. My pulse ox fluctuated as I bore the brunt of it, clenching a pillow to my chest that was heaving raggedly.

The little button to my left would let a dose of Dilaudid into my drip. It was hard to resist the temptation, but I knew that would be worse than the drinking from earlier.

I decided to text Mer, and at the last second, added Jo to the message.

 **Thanks for coming by. I know I haven't been super open about this part of my life but it means a lot that you came when Alex called. I'll see you tomorrow at the station.**

Mer didn't answer, but Jo let me know she was glad I was okay and that she knew what I was going through.

I didn't really know what she meant until the lights were shut off and every person that passed by my room was a threat.

 _Meredith_

I finally started to get it after seeing Amelia in the hospital. Paul liked to degrade the women he went after. Both Amelia and Jo's right hands sustained injuries from him. He was looking to keep them from being successful.

When we got back, Jo quickly retreated back to the spare room. I knew she was shaken up by seeing Amelia.

I would have gone up to make sure she was okay, but as soon as she was out of earshot, I dialed Alex.

"He's a real motherfucker, isn't he?" Alex said, without any other greetings. I hadn't seen him on the way out of the hospital, probably because of the way Jo had reacted to seeing him for the first time since her attack.

"Yes," I agreed.

"Meredith… what are we going to do? How many people have to get hurt, nearly killed, before this gets stopped?"

"Alex, don't do anything stupid. We haven't even filled out reports yet. The police can't stop him if they don't know what's going on."

"I could do it you know."

I was silent for a second. "I know."

"But I shouldn't, right?"

Oh, Alex. How I wanted to say to screw it, and to go find him. Not because I thought anybody deserved to be killed. But because I knew it would bring you both peace. "You shouldn't," I hesitated.

"So what do we do?"

"We go to the police in the morning and let them handle it. You keep your distance and let Jo heal. I drag Amelia's ass to an AA meeting and make sure she isn't spiraling."

Alex paused. "That's not all we're going to do, is it?"

"Hell no," I whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey there, sorry it has been so long. If you've read any of my other stories you know inconsistent updates are no surprise from me. Sorry! Please review so I know how I'm doing! Xx**

 _Amelia_

I had my thumb over the button, swirling it around but not pressing it, when Meredith came in. "Take this from me," I said immediately, awkwardly pulling the connecting cord over myself to hand it to her.

She sighed and disconnected it from my drip without a word.

"Do you prefer NA or AA?" she asked finally.

"Neither."

"Amelia-"

"What? I don't like either of them. I'm not trying to be stubborn, I'll go to a meeting. I'm just saying."

Meredith sighed again. "We have to go to the police station to file a report. Do you want to try to come with us, or should we send an officer out here when we get there?"

I sat up further, groaning a little. "I'll come with you. Ortho isn't placing my pins until Thursday so I'm waiting for discharge. They said another half hour like two hours ago. Can you go yell at them?"

"What am I, the chief?"

"Shut up, you might as well be," I retorted. That got an actual chuckle out of her.

"Fine. I'll be right back."

The Grey magic seemed to work and Meredith was wheeling me out to the car before I knew it. Jo had been waiting for us outside my room, biting her nails and generally just looking like she belonged in a halfway house.

It was a bit of a struggle to hoist myself into the passenger seat of the huge Lexus Mer drove. But we were finally off, me in the front trying to ignore my pain, and Jo in the back barely registering hers.

The process was brutal. For one, there wasn't a female cop in sight, and they wouldn't let Jo and I give our statements together. I was expecting to just say what happened and go, but instead I was examined and cross examined until I thought I was going to scream from answering the same five questions over and over again. "Did you provoke Dr. Stadler at all? Were there any witnesses? What is your relationship to Dr. Karev? Tell me again about each of the injuries? Why didn't you just tell him what he wanted to know?"

The last one made me so furious I feared I might fuck my hand up even more by punching a cop out.

The detective who was appointed to us was running back and forth between the room Jo and I were each "interviewed" in, but every time he just stood in the corner and said nothing. He probably wanted to make sure our stories lined up or something. Like we would ever lie about something like this.

And people wonder why women don't come forward.

Finally, I was allowed to go back out to the waiting area with Meredith, but it was another twenty minutes before Jo came back to us, and when she did, it was very apparent that she had been crying.

It wasn't that I didn't respect what law enforcement does, but seriously? This seemed a little harsh for someone coming forward and claiming to be abused. I could only imagine what they asked her.

"Someone will be in contact with you," said an officer curtly, and left us alone.

 _Jo_

Amelia sat in the back with me. I could tell they thought I was going to lose it again. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility.

"What does that even mean, 'someone will be in contact with you'? Are they going to do something or not?" Amelia said for probably the thirtieth time. I felt bad that she had to go through the same thing as I did, but I didn't want to think about it anymore.

"I don't know," Meredith answered her again.

"Isn't there some sort of procedure for this? Shouldn't they be obligated to arrest him right away?" Amelia asked.

"I don't know about that," came Meredith.

"You need to pull over," I said suddenly.

"What?" Meredith asked, eyeing me in the mirror.

" _Pull over, please_ ," I said urgently.

She pulled the car onto the shoulder and I didn't waste anytime jumping out the side and promptly puking onto the grass.

Amelia slowly made her way to my open door. "Are you alright?"

I wiped the corner of my mouth with my hand. "I'm fine," I said, but I wasn't. Tears started forming in my eyes.

I collapsed against the car, sobbing now. I just wanted to get away from this. I wanted it to be over. No one else would get hurt if I just left.

"Bring me to the airport," I cried. "Please, just let me get out of here."

"What? Jo, if you do that, he wins-"

"I don't care!" I cut Amelia off sharply. "I just want to leave. Please."

Meredith looked like she didn't know what to say, eyes wide. "I'm going to drive us back to the house, okay? We can figure it out from there."

It wasn't the answer I was looking for but I was too worn down to fight her about it. Amelia started to shift back to her side. "Don't. I'll go around. Hopefully I'll get hit by a car on the way over," I remarked.

I saw them share a glance but I didn't care at this point. If the police weren't going to do anything, there wasn't any reason to believe it would ever get better.

Amelia was still staring at me when Meredith pulled back onto the road.

"What?" I sighed, exasperated.

"Nothing," she said, quickly turning her head away from me. "I just hate to see you like this. I want you to feel better." She reached her hand out and gave mine a soft squeeze, careful to avoid the bandaged area. I felt my heart melt just a little at the show of support.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey there! Review please and thank you!**

 _Amelia_

Alex called me a couple times but I was knocked out in my room, stirring only at the sound of Meredith yelling at people over the landline. If I strained I could almost make out her words, but either way I felt bad for whoever was on the other end of that line.

I walked down the hall to the spare room where Jo was staying and knocked on her door. She was propped up in bed watching TV, though I actually might not call it watching. I couldn't even tell if she was looking at the TV or just spacing out.

"Hey," I said, lowering myself carefully into the chair. I yelped in pain as I settled, wishing my ribs weren't so sore and that my head didn't start to ache every time I stood up or sat down. "How are you doing?"

She hesitated, and then turned to face me, tears inevitably welling in her eyes. "It's starting to hit me, now. That he's not just a jerk. That's he's _after_ me. I feel like I haven't slept in years. And I can't. Because he might be here when I wake up." She started to hyperventilate. "I can't… I can't breathe, Amelia. I can't do it. I need to leave. I need to hide."

I (slowly, I might add) made my way to her bed and rubbed her upper arms. If she started to have a panic attack right now, it would be important to ground her with some stimulus to remind her that she was safe. "Jo. You're safe. He's not going to hurt you again. Okay? I'm here."

She nodded and put her head on my shoulder, trying to even out her breathing. I gasped at the pain in my ribs. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Amelia. Are you okay?" She jumped out of bed immediately. "Do you need ice? I can get you some Advil, or?"

"Don't bother," I said, leaning back into her pillows. "The Advil doesn't help at all. I'm going to have to just bear the brunt of this for a while. I'm fine. Come sit down with me."

Jo reluctantly sat down next to me on her bed again. I grabbed her hand in my left one.

"Listen to me," I started, and she gave me her full attention. "This is a shitty, shitty thing to be happening to you. It's not on you, and you know that now. I hope you know that now. But I want to get real with you for a second. Realer than most. Realer than any therapist or support group is going to offer you." I took a deep breath. "Don't let yourself get wrapped up in the hurt. It is so easy to do that. To let yourself feel the hurt and become so encompassed in it that it becomes comforting. Like you'd be betraying yourself to be happy. Like it defines you."

She nodded tearfully. "I know what you mean."

"You deserve to be happy. But it's a fight to get there. And it would feel so good, in a warped and twisted way, to just bury yourself in the pain instead. But you'd be letting yourself down and you can't do that, alright? We're not going to let you do that." I didn't even ask as I dialed Karev and put the phone on speaker.

 _Meredith_

" _Tilton_. Detective Tilton," I repeated firmly into the phone. "He was assigned to the case when we came in to file the reports."

"Hold please," said the cop on the other line. I sighed loudly, getting more and more annoyed with every passing minute. After more silence, they said "Detective Tilton is unavailable at the moment."

"Can I at least leave a message?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"That's not usual practice, and besides, he won't have anymore information that he can disclose at this time."

" _Thanks!_ " I snapped, hanging up the phone.

I had been on the phone for an hour trying to get a hold of Detective Tilton. For one, he owed as an explanation on what they were planning to do about Paul, and I wanted to look into getting some sort of security lookout for when we were at home. Everyone at the station was giving me the runaround, though, instead of just telling me that Tilton was busy. It seemed like they didn't want to admit that he wasn't taking our case seriously enough to speak to me about it right now.

I stood and called the hospital instead, trying to take my mind off of it all.

"Grey? How is everything over there?" Dr. Bailey asked. I had called her extension immediately and was relieved not to have to go through receptionists and hold music first.

"Not much better, honesty," I admitted. "Neither of those two are fit to return back to work any time soon."

"That's to be expected. Tell them not to worry for a second about it. I'm glad they have you and each other right now. What about you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," I said.

"Are you sure about that?" Dr. Bailey asked in that way that she did when she already knew the answer to her question.

"Dr. Bailey, I am sad to have to watch two women that I care about have to recover from the destructive wake of a piece of scum like Paul Stadler. But I promise you, I'm fine."

"Now, Grey. You're letting yourself get to that dark and twisty place again where you're expecting the people around you to start dropping like flies. I'm telling you. You're not okay," she asserted. "Why else would you be calling me? Wilson and Shepherd can update me themselves. You're just looking for me ask your ass to come back into work so you can act like you're just doing your job and not avoiding something else."

"I am not!" I asserted. "This isn't exactly something you can avoid."

"You are. And I'm not going to be complicit in that so unless you have some compelling reason to keep me on the phone, I have a surgery to oversee and I'll talk to you later." She didn't even wait for my answer as she hung up.

Then the knock on the door startled me half to death.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Happy Easter, and happy Passover! Review please and thanks!**

 _Alex_

"Amelia? How's Jo, is everything alright?" I answered my phone.

"Yes, yes. Everything's fine. Actually, you're on speaker. Say hi."

"Jo," I breathed. "How are you doing?"

"I… I miss you," she admitted.

I smiled to myself. "I miss you, too."

"Alex… it's too dangerous for us to be together right now. What if Paul comes back?"

"Jo, that's exactly why I should be with you! To protect you,"

I could hear her start to cry, and Amelia took the phone off of speaker. "Alex, frankly that probably isn't for the best. I could tell how angry you were when Paul came after me… we just don't want you to get in trouble at all."

I could feel my frustration growing as I squeezed the phone hard in my hand. "No, shit, I was angry!" I yelled. Amelia didn't answer me. "Shepherd, I'm sorry, alright? I just miss her. Can you put her back on?"

"Hi," Jo's voice instantly made me feel a little better.

"I'm sorry I upset you. I love you, you fricking know that right?"

"I know. I love you too. Maybe… can you come over after work this week or something?"

"Yeah, I would love to come see you soon. How are your wrists healing? And how is Shepherd's hand?" I asked.

"They're fine. And she's getting pins placed in a couple of days," Jo explained. "She's in a lot of pain, but she doesn't want to admit it."

"Oh, shut up," I heard Amelia say.

"How was the station…" I started to ask, but she wasn't listening.

"Huh?" I heard her say, not to me, though. She hung up the phone, but not before I heard voices I didn't recognize.

 _Meredith_

I cautiously walked up to the door, my phone app open in case I had to call the police.

I wasn't expecting them to be at my doorstep.

"Meredith Grey? We have a warrant to search your house signed by Judge Harold Greenwich."

"Bases off of _what?_ " I cried out, but neither of the two cops nor the CSIs answered me. "You have to tell me what the warrant is for," I stated, but I didn't actually know if it was true.

"Any and all evidence relating to the premeditated terrorization of Paul Stadler," Officer Reynolds finally answered me.

"What?" I screamed. "What? Why would we…"

"I'm not able to disclose any other details at this time. I can make this quick and easy and be out of your hair, or you can stand here arguing with me. But either way, we're going to search and seize evidence, whether I have to have you arrested or not." She stepped further into the house and directed her CSIs upstairs.

"Can I at least get my kids and bring them downstairs with me? They're all napping."

Officer Reynolds looked at me with a blank stare. I guessed she wasn't a mother.

A few minutes later I heard Bailey cry as he was inevitably woken up by the law enforcement stomping around my house uninvited.

"What's going on?" I heard Jo ask. It was driving me crazy to be down here. I looked up the stairs to see if I could tell what was going on from the hallway.

"Ms. Grey-"

"It's _Dr._ Grey. And this is my house. I'm cooperating, but I'd really like to know why you think we would have anything that has to do with Paul Stadler. Were you at the station when we filed reports _against_ him? He has assaulted two people in this very house right now!"

Reynolds sighed. "Before you filed a report on him, Stadler also filed a report on Ms. Wilson and Ms. Shepherd, claiming that they came after him and that he acted in self-defense. There wasn't any reason to disbelieve him, until your reports the next day, but unfortunately Stadler's lawyer is pushing for prosecution and the judge agreed to sign the warrant, since things have escalated. His tires are slashed, his windshield broken. He suspects that it was someone in this house and he's afraid that there will be more in the future."

I was astounded. "You know that's absolute bull shit, right?"

She stepped closer to me, eyeing the staircase, and whispered. "Based off of the medical reports that were enclosed with your reports, it's pretty clear he was the main aggressor. But his lawyers are connected, and he probably has a good chance of getting off. I doubt any charges he files will stick though, so there's that at least."

I sighed, putting my hands up to my eyes. Paul was going to get off.

"Between you and me, of course. I will deny that this conversation ever happened."

I nodded, heading into the kitchen to sit down.

So now I knew why my calls earlier were so useless. Nobody wanted to help the crazy ladies who weren't made their claims after Paul's.

"There wasn't anything upstairs, Reynolds. That's all the warrant covers, since the computers were up there," one of the CSIs said, coming down the stairs.

Amelia was following holding Zola's hand, and Jo was carrying Ellis while Bailey walked in the middle, looking at the floor.

I hugged my kids and explained that there was a mistake made and that the police were good people who weren't trying to be scary. I wasn't sure if it was technically true. But they bounced back quickly and started a game in the living room, which really meant that Zola bossed Bailey around and Ellis picked up every toy in the toy box until she ran out and then started all over again.

Amelia, grasping the table, lowered herself into a seat and started drumming her fingertips on the table. "I could call Violet's lawyer. He helped get her medical license reinstated, so I think he might know somebody or something… Not that it's going to help at all."

"I just can't believe he would do something like this," Jo said, pacing.

"I need to call Alex. He needs to know how hard Paul is gunning for us," I said.

"What is he kills me? I-I-I'm so young, I mean not like _young_ young, but there's so much I haven't gotten to do yet, and I'm barely a surgeon, and I mean Alex and I, we have so much left to do in life! What if he kills me, or what if he kills Alex? Oh God, or what if Alex kills Paul?"

I stopped Jo in her tracks with gentle hands on her shoulders. "This isn't helping anything," I whispered.

Amelia stood, albeit slowly, but pointedly. "I need a drink."

"No, you don't," we both said in response.

"What difference does it make now, anyway?" she started for the counter area, eyeing the liquor cabinet. "I'm already back to day one. Might as well make day one tomorrow instead."

"Amelia… I really don't want to restrain you because it's going to hurt, but I will. You're not getting a drink."

She opened the fridge instead and pulled out a water. "It doesn't matter," she muttered. "Nothing does."

I had seen Amelia go through he fair share of break downs, but I hadn't ever seen her so dejected, almost catatonic. Jo, on the other hand, was frenzied, manic. And I didn't know what to say to either of them.

"We're going to fight this, alright? That's all there is to it. And in the meantime… we keep our heads down. We go to AA meetings. We go to support group. And we stick together," I said.

Amelia started chuckling quietly, until it completely bubbled out of her. "Nice pep talk, Mer, but that's not going to do shit."

"Amelia, I really can't have you losing control right now-"

"A drink would really help with that-"

"-because I'm about to myself."

Jo sat down exasperatedly at the table. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it doesn't matter."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So sorry for the late update. There has been a lot going on at school and finals are fast approaching!**

 _Jo_

Amelia was right. Nothing mattered.

Nothing mattered if Paul was going to get off. Because this would just keep happening until he got convicted, or until he stopped. Neither seemed particularly likely.

I was staring at my wrists. I wondered how many people thought about what happened to me, and thought that maybe I had done this to myself. It's not like I haven't thought about it, of course. There were nights where my head spun with thoughts that I just couldn't seem to shake. Nights I felt like things would Paul would never end so I should just end it myself. Nights I felt like he was right, that the world was better off without me. Nights where every bruise on my body ached at once, where every cracked rib or sprained wrist throbbed, where my head was too full and too blurry at the same time. I thought it would be a relief to down a bottle of pills and go to sleep. Forever.

I hadn't been in that place in a long time. That was, until tonight.

After the cops had searched Meredith's house, things seemed completely hopeless. Alex wanted to come over as soon as he heard what had happened, but I just couldn't seem him. I really missed him and seeing him would probably make me feel better, but I didn't want to bring him further into this mess when he was already at such a risk of suffering from it.

I felt awful but I couldn't stop myself from pouring a drink and swirling it around in the cup before taking a long swig. Amelia was upstairs, so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, or at least that's what I told myself to convince myself.

Nope, I was alone downstairs. And as much as Meredith and Amelia were here to support me, they couldn't possibly understand exactly what I was going through. Sure, Amelia had been attacked by Paul. But she had no relationship to Paul. Paul had never once looked at her like she hung up the moon. He hadn't called her beautiful when he first met her, or stroked her cheek so lightly in the morning to wake her up out of a deep sleep, or called her Brooke-y like you were the sweetest angel to grace his presence.

He also never lied to her friends and told them she was batshit crazy, or cussed out her parents, or tried to isolate her from everyone in her life who actually cared about her. He never did those things to her and he never blamed them on her.

I felt like having gone through all of that, surviving and starting a new life, and then beginning to go through it again had earned me a freaking drink.

 _Meredith_

The kids were asleep soundly that night, thankfully minimally effected by the intrusion earlier. Amelia had called it in early, and Jo had said she would be up to bed soon. So I sat on my own bed, flipping through the channels and thinking about the situation at hand.

I heard a step in the hallway, figuring it was Jo coming up to bed, but a second later I heard another floorboard squeak closer to the stairs. It was someone leaving.

I stood up and opened my door, already expecting to see Amelia sulking out of her room.

"What are you doing?" I asked. She was dressed in grey jeans and black heeled boots, carrying her leather jacket in one arm and her purse in another.

"I'll be back," she said quietly, and started down the stairs.

"Amelia…" I followed her.

She turned around briefly but continued out the front door as Jo came to the stairs to head to bed. "What's going on?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "She didn't tell me where she was going. Should we follow her?"

Jo barely reacted as she padded down the hall to her own room.

Which left me torn. To follow Amelia, hopefully not to the bar, or to comfort Jo in the midst of the news that Paul was filing charges against her and Amelia?

 _Amelia_

I knew way better than to go to Joe's bar this time. I'm not sure what I was even thinking that night. I just wanted a drink. And it was fine. I didn't drink all day. My addiction was to oxy, not to alcohol. And I had proven that to myself today.

Instead I went to a swanky lounge down the road and ordered a martini, thinking I was doing myself good by not going straight for a vodka-tonic.

Not even a minute later I had some jackass trying to pick me up. "Can I buy you a drink?" He started.

I smiled politely. "No thank you. I'm not staying for long."

I don't know if I was overreacting, but he reminded me of Paul. The way he smiled, the way he spoke, the way he expected me to hang on every word he said.

"Well if you're not staying long, it's almost like a free night of booze for you, yeah? If I buy you one drink besides the one that you bought for yourself, that's a 50% net gain."

I rolled my eyes. "Let me guess… Sigma Alpha? Or Lambda Iota?"

"I'm sorry?" he asked.

"I'm trying to guess your fraternity from college, but I don't know the popular ones that have chapters around here."

He ignored that comment. "Who said I was from around here?"

I shrugged, mentally willing him to just leave me alone. Sure, maybe I was instigating him a little bit. Some might even call it flirting, and by some, I mean the garbage male population who think a conversation automatically entitles them to some sort of sexual reward. But I wasn't the type to just take these things. I fought back.

The ache deep in my abdomen reminded me of that as I downed my last sip of the martini.

"See, now you need another," he said.

"Seriously, I don't. Thanks, though. Bye."

I stood to leave, regretting coming at all, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled lightly. It wasn't enough to hurt me and I'm pretty sure that wasn't his intention, but the sudden movement of my core left me in agony.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you…" he said, but my groan had already caused a scene.

"Ma'am?" the bartender tried to get my attention. "Do you need assistance?"

I stood upright. "I am fine. Thanks." With that, I finally walked out to the road, looking for something a little bit stronger to numb the pain.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Review please!**

 _Amelia_

I was in a back alley behind a strip of restaurants that must have all used the same trash collector, because all of the dumpsters had the same logo on them. The guy I was buying from was older than I had expected, probably well into his 60's. He was wearing a black hoodie completely zipped up, which made me laugh.

"Not a regular seller, huh?" I dared to comment. He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm just trying to pay off my kid's college loans for him. He's having a rough time. He's really sick and hasn't been given disability yet, but he can't work anymore and the company that he's been with since he graduated let him go when he got diagnosed. So I've taken over his bills because he's been in the hospital on and off for the past couple of years."

He held out a baggie to me containing just what I needed to get myself through the night. I told myself it wasn't to get high, it was for the pain.

"I'm sorry to hear that. What is he sick with, if you don't mind me asking? I'm a doctor."

He seemed surprised at first, like they all always are. How dare an upstanding citizen like me buy recreational drugs? But they quickly got over it.

That's the thing about the drug scene in Seattle. It was huge, and there was a ton of people roped into that you wouldn't expect. So there's a hell of a lot less judgment than in LA.

He sighed. "They're not sure what it is. He's been having seizures that come and go like the wind. Sometimes he can go a month without one. Some days he has four in the span of an hour."

I nodded solemnly. "Take him to Grey Sloan. I will check him out."

"Thanks," he smiled, counting my money. "Take care of yourself. That stuff can kill."

"I know," I said, and it was true. I knew all too well what oxy could do to a person. "It's for pain. I was assaulted, but the hospital didn't want to prescribe anything to me for some reason. I'm just trying to get by. Like you."

He nodded in agreement and we parted ways. Now, whether to smoke, snort, or swallow? That was a decision for the motel room.

 _Meredith_

I decided to sit in Jo's room and call Amelia at the same time. Of course, she didn't bother rejecting the call but let it ring until voicemail, giving me hope that she might actually pick up. She knew what she was doing. I was completely convinced she just ignored it to spite me.

"Do they serve subpoenas at the hospital? Like, would they pull me out of surgery to serve me?"

I sighed. "I don't know, honestly. I think whoever they used to track you down would try and stop them from pulling you out of surgery, but it depends on how easily authority intimidates them. For example, take Robbins? They'd be in the OR in minutes. If they talked to Bailey instead, though, you'd probably be getting ready to go home for the night before you knew they even wanted to see you."

"So, basically whether or not I get humiliated in front of my teachers and peers, not to mention the fact that they would all question my integrity and honesty, is dependent on someone else."

I nodded. "I guess. At least it's probably going to depend on one of ours and not one of theirs. But hey, there's still the chance that you get served here. Or not at all? Maybe the case will get thrown out before it gets to court." I hadn't shared what the officer had told me because I didn't want to give them false hope. "And besides, we all know that he's the evil one. You're one of us and we protect our own like no other."

She smiled weakly at that. "I'm never going to be able to sleep. My head is spinning, and it's stressing me out because I feel like I can't stop it long enough to work through some of these thoughts."

"Would you maybe want to consider seeing a counselor of some type, then?" I knew I was treading dangerous waters, but at least with Jo, if she could talk some of this stuff out (and it'd be a plus if it wasn't to me) she could probably calm down a bit. Amelia on the other hand…

She cocked her head. "No, I don't think so. My problems have always been something I've dealt with on my own. It was one of the few things I was proud of back then."

"You're not alone anymore, Jo. And I'm not going to let you deal with this on your own. Nobody here wants that for you at all, even you. You just don't want to admit it. But everyone needs help from time to time… usually, from friends or boyfriends or… whatever. Sometimes those people can't provide the help you need, so you go to a professional. It's all the same thing, except for some reason one is seen as a normal part of life and the other is seen as a shameful thing that implies weakness or incompetence."

"I guess you're right. I'll think about it. It's just not my style."

Deciding to let it go, I turned on her TV and, for what felt like the eightieth time this week, mindlessly searched through channels because they were doing a better job filling the time than my presence was.

 _Jo_

Later, after I was sure Meredith had fallen into a deep enough sleep that I wouldn't be heard, I slipped out the back door and into the cool, dark night.

I wasn't sure where I was going, I just knew that if I didn't expend some of the energy that was bubbling inside of me, I might have actually lost my mind.

I walked on the side of Mer's street, careful to stay in the streetlight and periodically check behind me. True, I was obviously on edge from everything that's happened. But I couldn't help but think about what bullshit it is that women have to be paranoid every time they leave the house after dark. I don't even know what gave me the balls to leave, because I was expecting to see Paul's face in every place my eyes darted.

A deep chill ran from the back of my neck to the tip of my toes. The sinister nature of reality hit me all at once.

This was going to have to end, one way or another.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hi guys, hope everyone had a great summer. Sorry for the loooong delay, but I work full time in the summer! Review please and thank you!**

 _Amelia_

I was in and out of sleep in my motel room, riding out the high I unintentionally gave myself.

I called it unintentional because I forgot how much harder it hits you when you snort it. Not that I forgot that fact, but I forgot how it felt. And I thought I would be able to handle it.

Who was I kidding?

Meredith had, of course, called me like 55 times by now. I was subliminally aware of this fact but I knew answering her phone calls would do absolutely no good right now.

Before I got high I wrote myself a list of NA meetings in the area that were going to take place in the morning, so at least I had done that. I wasn't sure if that was me embracing reality or protecting myself. Maybe both.

When I finally woke up for the day it was 6 in the morning and my throat was totally dry. I walked down to the ice machine at the end of the row of rooms and swallowed an ice cube, and then another. My head was pounding and I was debating how bad it would be if I just shut my phone off and slept late into the afternoon, like I used to do when I was in high school and college. Waking up at 3pm sounded like the time of my life.

But I knew I would have to tell Meredith I wasn't dead, otherwise she would be calling up every ER in the area.

So I finally dialed her back, hoping she wasn't going to answer so that I could just leave a voicemail and go back to bed.

No such luck.

"Where are you Amelia? What the fuck?"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Listen, I just couldn't… I'm at a motel. I'm going to sleep now, alright? I'll talk to you later."

"Don't you dare hang up on me right now. Zola heard you leaving and she has been worried about where you went ever since. What would you like me to tell your niece?"

I sighed, the guilt of that one really hitting me. "Tell her I took a vacation for the night to get my mind off of some things. I don't know. She's your kid, you know better than I do what she'll want to hear."

"So suddenly all this time you spent here raising them with me means nothing? Okay, Amelia. Okay."

"That's not what I meant, I'm just too tired to do this, alright? I'm alive. I'm sleeping in a motel. I appreciate you caring, I really do, and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Somehow that call was _better_ than I had expected.

 _Jo_

I was scrolling through Paul's Facebook page, looking at his recent check-ins trying to figure out where he has been staying. The only logical place would be the motel down the block from the hospital, near a couple of the restaurants he has posted about.

He was so damn pretentious. Like anyone actually cared what he thought about Hal's Burger Grill on School Street.

Before entering the complex, I watched from outside. It was almost 6 in the morning, so there were a few people coming and going. A man carrying a briefcase. A kid who looked to be about 20, climbing into a pickup truck with the name of a landscaping company printed on the side. A woman who I would have bet was a prostitute.

I didn't see him at all. I had been out for almost an hour now, and I had taken an unchained bike from the park that I had passed so I needed to return that before it was gone for too long.

Hey, what can I say? If the past was going to come back to haunt me, I was going to use my "controversial" skills from back then too. Make it a fair fight, and all.

I yawned and was about to give up, when I saw another door opening. It took me a second to recognize the room's owner, because it wasn't Paul like I had hoped. It was Amelia.

I tracked her with my eyes as she walked to the ice machine. She pulled out her phone and I could hear her talking to someone, but I couldn't make out the words. When she hung up, she sulked back to her room. I could tell she had been using something.

And I wanted to bring it up to her so badly that I almost knocked on her door. But then I would have to explain what I had been doing out at 6 in the morning, on a random bike, lurking in the bushes near a motel. So instead I rode back to the park, walked back to Mer's house, and slipped in as quietly as I had slipped out, thankful for all the years of practice.

 _Meredith_

Laying in my bed alone, I looked to the empty space next to me and wished Derek was still here.

Of course, I wished he was still here every single day. But this entire situation has worn me down to the point where I truly can't put a thought together long enough to come up with something we could do to make it better.

And I was bitter about it. It wasn't my responsibility to keep Amelia sober and keep Jo from losing her shit. I didn't have to be doing this. For the first time, I started to truly understand how Derek felt about Amelia. Not that I agree. But I understood.

I knew that I would be here for them no matter what, even if it sucked for me. Maybe some of what Bailey was saying was true. I was dark and twisty when it came to potentially losing the people I cared about. Would any normal person be doing what I was doing?

Just as I was about to get up to get ready for the day, my phone rang again. I hoped it wasn't Amelia again, because that would mean something was wrong, but I didn't recognize the number on my screen.

"Dr. Meredith Grey?" I answered.

"This is Detective Tilton. I was told you were trying to reach me?"

"Stadler is filing charges against us?"

"Not against you. It doesn't involve you."

"I'm a witness," I argued.

"Unless you've witnessed any of the assaults firsthand, you're not a witness."

"Is there any other information you can release to me?"

He sighed. "Not to you. Look, Dr. Grey, I have news for Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Wilson. If you can, have them call me. I understand you're more or less the sounding board of this case."

"Which is why you should just tell me, and I can relay it to them," I said.

"I can't. They can tell you themselves. Goodbye. Take care."


End file.
